I've been living off the grid lately and out of reach. Partly purposefully and partly from discontent. I'm staying at Tim Turner's house and i've been here for the past 2 weeks. He's the pastor of a church here in Tokyo. He was born in japan. But, went to the states for college and picked up an american wife. So, his family looks american but they are actually very Japanese. Anyway, If you know Travis or Becky kilson then you will know they are here in Japan this summer interning with Tim at the church. Tim's family went back to america for the summer and he stayed to be with Travis and Becky. He's stay at the church and he offered me his home this summer while I teach an ESL summer school program at CAJ.  I've been commuting back to Kabe on wednesday's to teach my regular english class. It's kinda weird being in Kabe for just one day. I feel more comfortable being with my friends from america and hanging with Tim. So, when I go and teach on wednesday's I feel like an outsider even though i've been living in Kabe for a year now. The church is also a pretty empty place now that school is over for the summer. I have mixed feelings about the next year at Grace and in Kabe but we'll take each stride as it comes.

Today, was one of those days where I told myself I should be productive but instead i'm typing this. Which, I guess is being product because it's a form of communication. I found myself with some spare time before class today and decided to chill in the office and see what was going on. Most of the regulars were gone but one of the Japanese regulars was there. She is one of my favorite people at Grace because she is mysterious. I still haven't figured out what is really doing at Grace though. She is a good hard working woman. The kind of lady you'd likely meet back home on a farm in North Carolina. She doesn't take crap from anyone and she'll tell you straight. However, behind her toughness there's a soft heart. She has lived a tough life. There's alot i've learned about her that would lead anyone to just wanna give up. However, see has taken her scars and move on. This is where the roadblock occurs in our relationship though. No matter how I try to get her to open up and talk to me a little bit she refuses. I don't know, why. Today, was especially difficult. I tried to sit down and eat lunch with her and another girl in the office but she asked me to eat at the other table. Ok no big deal they are working. Afterwards, I asked her why she doesn't like me. I was half joking though because I know she does. But, this opened a can of worms that led to a 30 min conversation full of miscommunication both language wise and culturally. At least that's what we agreed on. However, I can't help but think more and more about her. Something in me just tells me there's alot more to her. Something in her that has made her this way. I can't help but feeling for her that maybe she is so harden now because she's afraid of being hurt anymore. She's tough because that's the only way she has learned to deal with her pain. The whole walk it off mentality. That works temporarily but it never fixes the problem nor heals the pain.

Being in japan for over a year now and living as a foreigner i've learned that it's easily to excuse things as either cultural or language difficulties and never really address things. However, as a Christian I have slowly been learning that, while people all over the world may speak different languages and have different cultural backgrounds, at the core of our being we are all people and we are all the same. God created us all in his image and likeness. One of the great lies of the world is that we are all from different worlds. Westerners will never understand the mysterious easterners. It was God who split us up and created the different people groups back in Genesis. Could the different people groups just be God's way of allowing us to see ourselves in a different light. By looking at people of all different cultures we can see God's image in each and every person. After all the gospel was not meant for one culture and then forced to fit into other cultures. The gospel is for all people of all people groups because ultimately all people are the same.

A lesson on being a missionary.

I haven't been on the internet much recently due to a lack of having self discipline. But, hopefully things are better now. So here we go.

So last week was Golden Week. Which is basically a weeks worth of holidays all in a row. So they call it Golden week and basically all of Japan takes off. Lot's of traveling and fun is had. And of course alot of relaxing. Japan has the salary man work hard mentality that keeps many people working hard day and night. To the point that sometimes you might just find you yourself spending the might at your work place. My friend Megumi works for a company and most days she'll leave for work at 5am and not get home til 9pm. So if Japan didn't have a ton of holidays I think alot more people would die. So with that said. Let me get to my golden week.

This was my first holiday that I didn't do any major traveling. I stay home and chilled with some friends. Friday one of my friends named Simon call to stay with us for the week. He's from england and always a good time. Saturday was the first big day of Golden week. The Ome Festival was taking place. So we all went. (I will post pics and more about festivals later.)  There were 4 white people and 2 Japanese girls. On the white side was myself, Simon, Ashley one of the other interns and Alex, Ash's friend from college who's living in Japan now. The Japanese girls were my friends Megumi and Kaori. The set things up i'll give you some background. Megumi can speak english quite well. But, Kaori can not speak any english. So, back in October Megumi first introduced me to Kaori and I was told that she has never met a foreigner until me. So up until this point i'm the only foreigner that she has ever met. Kaori is also much more reserved than the typical Japanese person. She is very much introverted and doesn't like big crowds or lots of loud people. However, see is a very sweet girl. Megumi is a christian and she is also Kaori's best friend. She has been working hard to be a Christ like example to Kaori.

So, together we went to the Ome Festival. We had a good time there ate some food and hung out. However, I spent most of the time with Megumi and Kaori. The others stayed together. So, we have 2 groups. After the festival we decided to head back to my place and make dinner.  I was in the kitchen whipping up an extra special breakfast for dinner. Everyone else was in the other room and they were all speaking english. Nothing terrible right? They were looking up videos and laughing and and just making jokes in English. The problem though is that Kaori couldn't understand any of this. Being a non-native speaker myself i'm often put into situations where I can't speak the language and can't understand anything going on. 　However, I believe this was the first time for Kaori. So, when dinner was all ready we sat around the table and began to eat. Everyone was still going on in English so I suggested that we switch to Japanese. Every agreed. So, everyone start questioning the girls with simple questions like whats your hobby and where do you live. Finally the question was asked "What's you favorite color." A simple question indeed. Everyone answered except for Kaori. When it came to her she wouldn't answer. So everyone began to haggle her, trying to get her to answer. Well the pressure was to much and Kaori lost it. She began to cry right there at the dinner table. At that moment I felt helpless. I looked at Megumi and she made the motion that we should go. So Kaori left first she got her shoes and headed downstairs. Me and Megumi grabbed our coats and headed down so I could walk them to the station. When we arrived downstairs, Kaori was no where to be found. Megumi tried to call her and sent her numerous mails but no response. So we walked around town looking for her. Finally an hour later she mailed Megumi and said she was on the train on her way home and she was sorry. So, I took Megumi to the station and thus ended the night.  The rest of Golden week was smooth sailing after that.

Thoughts and Reflections-
    So this story has caused me to think alot about living like Christ in Japan. The current model for missions in Japan has been in place for over 50 years. It is the model of the Foreign English Teacher/Missionary. The idea is that many people in Japan want to learn English so foreigners such as myself become English teachers so that while we teach people English we can also teach them about Christ. It's not a terrible idea and alot of good has been done with this method but it also has alot of problems. The first begin that the percentage of people in Japan who speak English or have any desire to speak English is roughly 10 percent. This means that 90 of people in Japan could careless about English. What this reminds me of is an old english saying, "When in Rome do as the Romans." Or, to paraphrase the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 9:20 become like those who you want to reach.  The problem with current trends is that we have separated ourselves here in Japan. While it's true that Japan as a whole will never recognize foreigners as "Japanese" we can still strive to operate on their level. It doing so we can trust and pray that Christ will begin to shine through us and the light of the Gospel that we are preaching will pierce through the walls that have been built here. I have met alot of people since i've come here. Many of the foreigners that i have met seem to be stuck in the middle. They can't quite let go of there former culture and heritage nor, can they fully embrace the culture of Japan and it's heritage. The ultimate problem I believe is the lack of identity. We are all still searching for our identity. When I met new people here I naturally introduce myself as an american. This is because the world tell me that I am an American. I believe Christ would disagree, though. The essence of of Faith in Christ is a new identity. Sin severed our connection and identity with Christ. Once, we unite with Christ our identity becomes him. Christ is now our identity. Not our culture and not our heritage. Christ and Christ alone. This makes things difficult because the world doesn't understand that. So, we live in a state of confusion. We know that Christ is our identity but the world still wants to look at our old identity. Thus, we must sever the connection to our old identity and begin to live as fully Christ. He alone is our identity.